...i want to ride my bicycle...

odijodia @ 2004-06-29T03:01:00

2004-06-29T10:08:22Z

There are some truly amazing people in my life, who put up with some truly amazingly messed up shit from my head. Thank you to those people for listening and putting up with me. One day I will give you all something in return...hopefully I can get to that point soon. I realize again that I am falling apart, and that everytime I fall apart...I lose a little piece of myself, a piece with potential. I think I am getting to a point where I can't fall apart many more times without losing myself completemente. For some reason, though, I feel amazingly trapped. For every choice I make there is a choice I am not making...or something bad happening. Maybe something good and something bad. For every action there are at least two and as many as 5,000,000 reactions I think. A big part of me says that making the choice to be happy and solid can't have many negative reactions.

I learn something new about myself from you everyday.

odijodia @ 2004-06-16T23:44:00

2004-06-17T07:41:01Z

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I give up. I sometimes feel like I am in the Twilight Zone. Which would explain the spiders...

Grrr.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME
1) death (mostly the slow and painful kind)
2) insanity...losing my mind...alzheimers.
3) overpasses...I think a truck is going to fall off and kill me.
THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND
1) smokers
2) how computers work
3) why I am so selfish
THREE THINGS I'D LIKE TO LEARN
1) belly-dancing
2) spanish (fluently)
3) how to cook
THREE THINGS I AM WEARING RIGHT NOW
1) Columbia shirt
2) pink and purple striped boyshort underwear
3) jammie pants
THREE THINGS ON MY DESK (when I had one)
1) A coconut fish thing from Mexico from Davey's mommy
2) a stuffed bear that says "shit bitch you is fine"
3) the lucky care-bear (old school, little...movable parts...small, plastic care bears. think 1980's.)
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
1) See the pyramids/sphinx/all that stuff
2) be happily married and have kids and all that rubbish
3) visit all 50 states
THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY
1) shy
2) anxious
3) dirty
THREE BAD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY
1) hypersensitive
2) tempermental
3) judgemental
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE
1) Italian
2) German
3) English/Dutch/Norwegian
THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1) eyes
2) feet
3) my ring fingers
THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
1) butt
2) back
3) complexion
THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME
1) how deathly anxious it makes me to talk to people, how much I'd rather never talk to anyone.
2) how I feel like an annoyance, and like nobody is ever paying attention
3) how lonely I am.
THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST
1) love
2) like
3) seriously now, people
THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
1) South Africa/Egypt
2) Spain
3) Brazil

odijodia @ 2004-06-16T02:15:00

2004-06-16T09:22:53Z

Okay, so...this is not OK. IN the last few months my house has been having some...shall we say..."potato bug problems." We've seen about three in the living room. One in the garage that is gigantic. And we thought this was the worst of our problems. Then we tore down this OLD wooden shed next to our house, and now THE SPIDERS HAVE COME TO LIVE HERE. First we had a "sunspider" or "wind scorpion." This spider had frightening palps on the front and was FAST (like the, uhm, wind.) It haunted us, then we called a man who came and identified it. It had the beak of a squid--which is weird, because ALL pictures of sunspiders have them with 4 beak things. This guy, had serious squid beak. Then today a little fella (not so little...) came running across the living room floor and he is baffling me. He has a large white-ish, tan abdomen. Which right now looks grey, so I am not so sure what's up. He has crazy eyes...but no worries...he isn't a brown recluse or anything. *sigh*. I hate spiders and wild animals in my house. There was also a large, black beetle yesterday.
In short, the infestation is beginning. We listened to the cricket chirping outside...and decided he is the messenger calling the troops to battle. The royal Queen Potatobug in our garage is who they are fighting for--to avenge the loss of her two children.
Egads.
Save me.
Let's hope no poisonous things crawl into my bed.
You have no idea how paranoid I am right now.
If I wanted big, scary animals...I would not live in California. AHHHHH!

odijodia @ 2004-06-10T00:13:00

2004-06-10T07:16:35Z

Wow, I just finished reading The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (book 5, Chronicles of Narnia) for the first time. It was so visually stimulating and rewarding to read. Also, it was the most blatant in references to God and Christianity of all the novels so far (I have not read them all before now.) But for some reason, it's so peaceful in the end...that the references are okay. I don't feel angered by them, I feel moved. So moved I got out of bed to write a LJ entry, which makes me think that "being moved" doesn't quite have the meaning it used to :o)

odijodia @ 2004-06-08T17:50:00

2004-06-09T01:01:19Z

Okay, so this is the design for my tattoo. It's a re-drawing I did of his rough sketch, so it's not perfect mind you. Also, not the size it will be on me. It scanned ginormous--it's really about 2"x2".

Don't know if it will even show up with my posting photos luck.

I am still trying to decide whether or not I want the inside star to be all black...and my mom keeps yelling at me that it needs color...so I am considering filling in the petals with red (the petals are hearts in case you couldn't tell!)

odijodia @ 2004-06-07T04:12:00

2004-06-07T11:13:05Z

So, has anyone heard anything about JARED POWELL the tattoo artist at Glass Beetle who will be permanently putting ink into my skin? I mean...it seems like everyone goes to that Sim dude...so...yea, anybody?

odijodia @ 2004-06-06T19:49:00

2004-06-07T02:51:54Z

Wow, 60 Minutes just made me cry about RONALD REAGAN. I didn't know it was possible, what with how he was a...well...not so good president and all. But it was possible. I hope I can be as happily married as he was, Nancy and him were the most joyful looking pair I have ever seen.
Ramble, ramble.

Anyway, it's crazy...

odijodia @ 2004-06-06T02:30:00

2004-06-06T09:37:27Z

Let's see, I don't really have the energy to write much tonight. I saw Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban TWICE on opening day because I am THAT cool. It was my favorite one so far of the movies (and, no, I have not read the books YET...but I am planning on it.) The kids are really growing up nicely, I thought everyone was very attractive. In any case--go see it if you haven't yet. It is very well done, and I have much respect for Alfonzo Cauron (not sure if that is the correct spelling, hrm.) Strange boys gave the lady in the McDonalds drive-thru a rose to give to me when I rolled up (we were getting ice cream.) It was very different, but funny. Tonight I spent at Leslie's house playing Monopoly and Clue with Leslie, Jen Ko, and Will (Leslie's bf.) It was very fun, but I was so tired and out of it that I felt like I had dimensia or something--I was just so clueless. I went to THE GLASS BEETLE and made an appointment to get my TATTOO...July 1st at 2:00! The guy did a really good job on the design--so I am very much excited.

Also, my dog attacked a baby possum in our backyard. It was really cute...and thus very sad to see it immobile...slashed in half. At some point it wandered away (no idea how) and left behind a big blood stain and a tail.

odijodia @ 2004-06-02T21:23:00

2004-06-03T04:25:46Z

I just went on www.thefacebook.com and it said i was logged in from "Theta Delta Chi". BLASPHEMY! I am NOT in a sorority (who knows? that might even be a fraternity), they should not spread these vicious rumors about me. I am currently logged in from a "non-residential location" you crazy facebook. My home is not in the Greek system.

odijodia @ 2004-05-29T17:22:00

2004-05-30T00:25:12Z

I AM THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER. I AM SO SORRY DAVEY FOR BEING SUCH AN ASSHOLE TODAY. I AM IMMATURE AND SELFISH. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! ! ! ! !

odijodia @ 2004-05-29T14:41:00

2004-05-29T21:42:27Z

Somebody please post why I should have faith in humanity! ! !

odijodia @ 2004-05-28T00:53:00

2004-05-28T08:55:18Z

I've pulled myself out of my coma just long enough to say that this man has a squirrel on his head:

yea.

odijodia @ 2004-05-26T13:30:00

2004-05-26T20:34:45Z

So, I went to the E.R. last night. It was no good. I thought (well, we thought...we called our family practitioner and she thought too) that I had meningitis. I also thought I was going to die and I was thinking of all my friends and how I would never see them again--then I was thinking about how I would never get to hold Davey again and how I needed one last chance. It was ugly. But according to Dr. Fong (the best doctor in the world) I have a nasty, nasty, nasty virus that shares many of it's symptoms. He said to come back if I get a stiff neck (really bad, crying bad.) or the obligatory rash--but he said that he would have tested me for it instantly if he had any inkling that I had it. So that's good. Anyway, not really feeling like sitting at the compy so I am going to go...probably back to sleep.

there is good news though:
I got:
Anthro: A
Alt Sex Identities: A- (psh, should be an A...assclowns!!)
English 45c: B+
Nutri Sci 24: P (p/f, one unit class)

That's a 3.85 GPA I do believe.
Woot.

odijodia @ 2004-05-23T17:52:00

2004-05-24T00:54:39Z

Pretty sure I have pneumonia again. That or the flu. Either way I am death warmed over with a slice of lemon.

THIS SUCKKKKSSSS!!!! AHHHH!

let me tell you how it goes:

my whole body aches, deep in the bones--everywhere. my skin also hurts to the touch of anything, and the wind makes it prickle up and that hurts. When I breathe in it feels like my lungs are going to explode. And I know have a sore throat as well (because I had to cough and it made it sore.) I am a real prize, let me tell you.

odijodia @ 2004-05-20T23:59:00

2004-05-21T07:06:22Z

Since I've been home I have found it impossible to stop eating, I've been eating like crazy. It's a cover up because I am VERY MUCH an emotional eater. Badness. *slaps self*

I got a 99 on my anthro final! WOOT! Take that anthropology. I missed one damn point on the whole test--and it was for being too optimistic about what anthro can do for the world. So, A in the class and joy and my GSI said "I hope you strongly consider majoring in anthropology." JOY!

Davey surprised me and we went and saw The Decemberists and The Shins at Davis. It was pretty awesome. The Shins performed...well, well, WELL under par. They were verging on bad. It's too bad since they are amazing. The Decemberists, however, kicked all the ass I expected them to kick. Los Angeles, I'm Yours.

I have been having a low self esteem week, so sorry if I don't talk to you or am anti-social or what have you. It's been rough going in my head the last few days.

I really want to go abroad this summer, but alas, no abroad. davey got my hopes up about going to Greece and that fell flat on it's face. Piss.

Tomorrow is my sister's graduation!! WEE! So, that's where I will be this weekend. Up in Davis/Sacto... where I always am. No surprise I guess!!

I bleached all of my bangs and stuff in the front of my head (yes I have bangs, yes they are now blonde.)

Hope everyone's finals went SUPER GOOD!

odijodia @ 2004-05-16T21:52:00

2004-05-17T04:55:34Z

Life is kind of beautiful. I had an amazing weekend. The guy at Baskin Robbins asked me if I wanted tuna. I had cat ears on, I didn't get it though. Anyway, happy happy. I still have an icky feeling kinda, ah, just under the surface I suppose. Davey and I are going to maybe go look at University of North Carolina--Chapel Hill, for the hell of it. Part of me thinks it'd be easier on me to just not be near Petaluma. Oh well! I hope you are all having a fantabulous weekend, week, life.

I say don't you know? You say you don't know. I say...Take me out.

Insomnia

2004-05-13T10:28:20Z

I can't sleep right now, and there is so much rolling through my head that I figure it might be productive to get it all out.

Off the top of my head is this: I am fucking pissed that my Uncle has my Grandpa's wedding ring and his diamond watch. My Grandpa's ring is fantastic, it's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, a MASSIVE freakin' diamond and...I just...grew up with it. Taking it off his finger and marvelling at it. The watch was nice too, gold with diamonds and this suede-ish weird strap. Everytime we went out somewhere nice--on went the ring and the watch. We used to play "slap the hand" with each other all the time. The hand with the diamond ring and the arm with the pretty watch. Anyway, I was the closest to him...Uncle Ray was never even around. He lives out in Deliverance-ville U.S.A. (sutter, by Yuba.) And like I said, it's not like he was ever around. These are items that I would just cherish forever. And sometimes you just want to touch something that is familliar that belonged to someone you loved (the most important person in your life maybe even) and it;s not there and they aren't there and you just feel really lonely and empty inside. I feel that way. Plus, in his hands he has total right to do something stupid like sell the ring to get money (since he gives his away to the assholes he is friends with.)

It was really unfair of my grandfather to leave me. I am finally going into that stage of mourning, I think it was supposed to be one of the first stages. But now, here I am.

My life is so transitory.

Friends come in and out, I have no family, I am a nomad living between, like, three homes and surrounded by people whose entire life is centered around being fucked up and rebellious and having not an ounce of respect for their parents or themselves or getting the FUCK OUT OF DODGE. It must be nice to have two parents so that you can just not care because they have each other.

I can't trust anyone. Everyone has proven to have convictions that are about as strong as uhm, let's see, glass. The brittle kind that shatters really easily. People have newly developed attitudes and they use them against the world as a way to cover their asses for other things. None of this is making sense even to me as I type it, I don't know what I am saying...ramble...blah...ramble.

Why do you pimp yourself out to them? Neverending high school clique from hell. Get over it.

Sometimes I really want to transfer to Davis simply so that I can have some stability. I have more friends there, not that I have real friends there or anything...just people who are nicer and more fun. I have my boyfriend there, and I hardly ever freakin' talk about him so here is my chance to and just shove it if you have a problem. He is absolutely amazing, and all I want is to have easier access to him, waking up next to him...everything. He always has the right thing to say and he is so supportive and we function on such a similar moral footing. I realized through him that you don't have to flaunt it, flirt all the time, dry hump on the dance floor, be a total slut, hook up with anything that breathes, that you can just BE YOURSELF and WAIT and love (the real kind...) will just come to you. It will happen if you just wait for it and be true to yourself.

There should be emotion in touch.

I wanted so badly to be home, but now I realize that being here is so hard for me because everyone falls back into their old high school ways. It's like nothing has changed and nobody has changed and nobody cares about the world and learning and broadening horizons, I just walk the streets and see a bunch of 12 year olds smoking and looking despondent. What is happening? Look at our graduating class, like two people left this town. I am not saying that's bad, a lot of people are responsible enough to get out of here in due time. But I don't remember many people from our class actually giving a shit about anything other than:
1. Being drunk
2. Big trucks
3. Confederate flags
4. Drunken sex
Did they? Did I miss the cool people who were actually different? Nobody is different anymore, just a worn out replica of someone else trying to be different. Everyone wants to proclaim their freakiness and differentness and I DONT SEE A DAMN THING THAT MAKES ANYONE DIFFERENT.

Stagnation is what I see.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I WANT TO MOVE TO SEATTLE SO MUCH, START OVER, NEW LIFE.

Please come home TANYA!!

Dont know if I agree...

2004-05-13T06:29:07Z

My personality is rated 30.What is yours?</center>quiz by midgetfarm.com

Which means: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

odijodia @ 2004-05-12T20:31:00

2004-05-13T03:31:30Z

Do you ever realize how on some level, you are utterly alone?

no good.

...ehm...

2004-05-12T09:55:51Z

I just ordered a black, femme, zip-up neighborhoodies.com sweatshirt with green letters saying "CHIPMUNK" (what Davey calls me <3) and a green heart on the left pocket.

Finally, after a long talk with the bag of Oreo cookies and a bit of money spending, things are starting to look up...

sort of.

odijodia @ 2004-05-11T00:27:00

2004-05-11T07:28:45Z

I realize how annoying multiple pointless posts are:

But doesn't "Irish Blood English Heart" by Morrissey just KICK ASS?

I thought so.

odijodia @ 2004-05-10T22:05:00

2004-05-11T05:07:41Z

I will not be seeing anyone or talking to anyone for the next 4 days. this is because I learned that my anthro final is Friday, I thought it was next week. Buckling down is at hand.

Farewell until next week.

I mean, expect LJ entries...since I am lame and I can't resist.

But people I've been promising to call, hold out a little longer.

Instead of writing my THREE essays due tomorrow:

2004-05-10T06:35:55Z

"Just Like Heaven"--The Cure

"Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
"Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you"

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
"Why are you so far away?" she said
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you"

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream

Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven

Such a lyrical master...genius...sigh. Why did I have to miss The Cure? *shakes fist at school and Nascar*

odijodia @ 2004-05-08T23:16:00

2004-05-09T06:17:43Z

I have decided to grow my hair extremely long.

To get something else pierced, I don't know what though.

To take up excercising again the moment I have time.

To get my tattoo (if not one...maybe two!)

To take NOBODY for granted.

To stop being sick.

That's it for now!

Remember, love your mommies tomorrow because tomorrow is MOTHER'S DAY!

odijodia @ 2004-05-07T01:00:00

2004-05-07T08:05:37Z

Sometimes random things are really difficult to deal with, like the perceptions of others that are out of your control. Or being an "adult" but not being an "adult". That shits annoying.

Okay, so, a question for all my LJ friends (and anyone else!) who are currently enrolled at a four year university:

How has college changed you as a person? What have you learned? How has your overall experience been?

For me, I'd say that I am far more intellectual than I ever was. While I was a complete social failure--I really cared about class and I learned so much and I hardly ever TRULY procrastinated. I was an entirely different person, and am an entirely different person.
But I've also realize how very normal I am. How my goal are so anti-feminist, how I want a white picket fence, a husband, a cat, a dog and two kids. I just kind of lost any craziness I may have had (and that I HAD any is questionable.) Apparently I don't have that college rebellious streak.

Anyways...I dont' know what I am rambling about. I have a sore throat, and I am feeling kind of loopy.

~*jodi*~